i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
