guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
