I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
