I don't remember. Are we still dating?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
