you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
