I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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