she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
