yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
