when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
