Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
