I think i peed on brittanys purse
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Pants are for mortals
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
