i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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