that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
