the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize