Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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