Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
