ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
