STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
