You made me cry and you don't even care
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm sobbing to NWA
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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