So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
