dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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