I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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