Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
