dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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