I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
