So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My feet surprised me
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
