p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
why is half of my head shaved?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
