I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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