I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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