Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
