we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
