Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
