did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
How external is "for external use only"?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Randomize
