would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
