if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
