Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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