I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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