we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
whose parrot is this?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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