I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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