if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
