While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
