If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You can't special order awesome
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
