jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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