State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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