If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
