I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
