i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
