woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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