I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
All the doctor said was why
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
