He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
