his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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