I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
