You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
