So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Randomize
