I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
