I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
