do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
