yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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