you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I could have mohawked her pubes.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
