wrigley field is MILF paradise
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
